For Jesse

(in response to NTGNE, Park Nights, Serpentine Pavilion, 11/09/15)

 

Something happened in that moment
surrounded by bodies all in black
all so much like like my own but unlike each other
sat on the cold white floor slick and polished
reminded me of Greece
naturally
in the radiating cacophony
of colour and light
I couldn't see your eyes
I'm sorry

Something happened for I could not feel
their warmth
not even the bodies I knew
Some gave into what you plated up
others expected something
a disappointment for the expecting body
Something happened between then and then
a terror overcomes me
it's a nice book, he said to me later

For this who one day
find my notes and things
and try perhaps to piece together the life I struggle to
again today tomorrow
I circle in my diary a simple gesture gives a clue
Behind the cotton wool
perhaps I'm just a writer after all

I try and capture wrinkles as the last remaining
signs of life lived long before me for me
despite me and, well...
She bares her heart
We sit and listen look and looking for the one like moths
excuse the cliché
your expectations shattered
and that's a good thing I say

Expecting of a life that which you gave so little to
just yet perhaps one day you will
perhaps one day again we'll sit
and listen
really listen this time
(What shall I wear)
a way to think about hope she said
I won't forget
Something happened then and I was
never the same again